The Secret Sauce to Deepening Emotional Connection: Active Listening in Conversations

We all desire a deeper emotional connection with our partners, yet sometimes, it feels like we're not on the same wavelength. Ever wondered why? Often, it's because we're not genuinely listening to them. But not just any kind of listening—what's needed is active, empathetic listening. Here, we'll explore how engaging in emotionally connecting conversations can enhance your emotional attraction and even elevate your physical connection.

In a genuinely emotionally connecting conversation, the cornerstone is a model known as "active listening." This technique is all about listening to understand, not just hearing to respond. The objective is to fully grasp what your partner is saying, empathise with them, and refrain from casting judgment. Interestingly, active listening shines the most when discussing topics not directly related to the relationship. Conversations like "How was your day?" or "What happened to you today?" are fertile grounds to exercise this technique.

Five Pillars of Emotionally Connecting Conversations

1. Full Attention Required: The first step to connecting on an emotional level is giving your full attention. Close the laptop, mute the TV, and put your phone in another room. Show your partner that this moment is about them and their feelings.

2. Hold the Advice: Our instinct is often to resolve the problem for our loved ones. However, the purpose here isn't to find a solution but to listen intently and empathise. Your aim should be to truly understand what they're going through.

3. Validate Their Feelings: The power of validation cannot be overstated. As you listen, mirror back what you hear. This reassurance lets your partner know that their feelings are legitimate and that you are indeed listening.

4. Team Up: Solidify your status as a team. Whether it's you against the world or you against a trivial issue, showing solidarity can make your partner feel safe and emotionally connected.

5. The Power of Affection: It's astounding how a simple touch or a heartfelt "I love you" can deepen emotional closeness. Never underestimate the impact of a small yet sincere gesture of affection.

Consistently practising emotionally connecting conversations can do wonders for your relationship. Not only does it heighten emotional attraction, but it can also surprisingly uplift the quality of your physical relationship. So, why wait? Start actively listening to your partner today and see its transformative effect on your emotional and physical bonds. #relationshipcoach #couplestherapy #coupleswellness #sextherapy

Mindful Mouthful

Mindful Mouthful

Before you start just notice the quality of your mind and any thoughts you might be having. Make a quick note and then take a raisin, piece of chocolate, nut (or anything similar) and mindfully eat it. 

Slow down and use all your senses to eat.  

1-   Start by taking a good look and notice what you might not have noticed before. Colours, textures, its perfections and its flaws. Without judging describe this to yourself.

2-   Notice the touch of how it feels?  What else do you notice temperature, surface (chocolate tends to melt). Without judging describe this to yourself.

3-   Before you put it in your mouth, smell it and again describe the smell to yourself. Try to find new ways to describe it to yourself. Surprize yourself. Imagine you are an expert describing this morsel of food to someone who has never experienced this tiny mouthful.

4-   Then pop it in the mouth but don’t eat it. Just notice how it feels, what flavours immediately hit the pallet.  Without judging describe this to yourself.  Now gently bite into it and again notice what happens. Does it dissolve, break, crunch, squish? Keeps noticing and describing what you notice to yourself. 

5-   Finally swallow and notice the sensation as it slides down your throat. Take the final moment to reflect over the experience and without judgement notice how this was for you. 

Finally notice the quality of your mind and any thoughts you might be having now. Just note for yourself whether this is different than before. If so how?  Remember there is no right or wrong in this exercise. You notice what you notice…

Sense it, savor it and slow down. 

Repairs

Relationships are great! Then all of a sudden they are not.  And like everything else in life they need constant care and attention to stay great. When you are experiencing those tough times, and everything seems to be getting out of control, turn towards your partner and try a “repair event” to help defuse the tension and reinforce your bond.

A repair event can be as simple as:

·      Taking responsibility for your role in the conflict

·      Humour (without sarcasm!)

·      Empathy by letting your partner know you understand them

·      Being affectionate or giving your partner a compliment

·      Telling your partner that you're in the relationship together

There will always be tension in relationships and there may even be times you fight with your partner. What really matters is at these time instead of turning away from your partner, turn towards them and try a repair events. By turning towards your partner and making repairs, you and your partner will stay positive and keep enjoying the wonderful relationship you share.